A TM writes in with questions:
Denizen if the manosphere for 6 months, I’ve learned a LOT from red pill pharmacology. Including how the way I was raised wasn’t right.
I have a lot of r-strategy in my personality. Not sure if it was genetic or environmental. My dad was an ass and my mom was sweet. wonder if my my dad is cro mag sapien and my mom is more thal… I preferred her and did the ‘beta’ r strategy of fitting in with the girls and it got me nowhere good.
Messed up first relationship in high school, ‘oneitis’ for 4 years. I thought it was my narcissism (tendencies, status seeking through attractive gf, self deprivation perhaps tp avoid competition in my childhood) but she thought I was gay or autistic.
Last ex – highly promiscuous girl who I selected or (selected me) for that purpose. Went totally personality disorder on her, unwilling to look at the truth that I just wasn’t that secure w someone with such a past, who was now 30 and hitting the ‘wall’. Dicked her around for while trying to be something I’m not. Till she cheated.on my and even hinted about cuckholding which enraged me to aroused jealousy. THAT I do not want to experience… She did say I strike her as very innocent, even though I know the score. Just not always very secure. And push out some stuff I find intolerable.
But I recognize k to be superior and have considered myself libertarian since Ron Paul’s 08 run based upon objectivist philosophy, basically.
I think my experience has shown me the errors basically of sinful living r, and I’m trying to express K, sometimes desperately. But other times I feel quite confident. Your ‘he/she is not part of my tribe’ koan works tremendously! I often find myself using what I call a mantra of the day, or week, or as long as it works in a social situation.
Could call them koans.
People say I am very self aware, but I also believe everything I read. I love Christian fellowship – but church I feel in uncomfortable and try-hard. I love to read blogs like dalrock conplementarian loners, dark brightness, and the like. It feels like communion then, across the little computer screen I’m holding.
Feel very insecure like I need to prove something to strangers. Also very generous but only to those who can’t hurt me (aka those I view as inferior). Alternate between high ideals and inclination toward hedonism.
All this reading self help, game, and religion mirrors your own journey of autodidactism through the internet.
Theres a nebulous mix of.k/r and in the very brief bio, I just want to maximize my life potential and live and love ans achieve and be happy. Wondering if my personality problems of dominance seeking compensating has to do with the issues you discuss on your blog, of Neanderthals turned bad… I’m no seriel killer bit sometimes my sexuality is attracted to anything that moves… Insecure to go after girls I really want. Triggers me. Yes I’ve read mark mansons models.
I’m hoping you can classify my type based upon the photos I’ve included. Cheers, man. May I not be the first and only cro mag to apply to the forum! Also I suspect this email comes of as gushing and annoying, but its a lot to pack in a life story, and I bet you’re busy.
Sent from my [smartphone]
Six months is not long. You’ve been exposed to a lot of concepts that haven’t quite properly digested. I see this with a lot with TM’s – inaccuracy vividly expressed with intellectual confidence.
For example, r vs. K is a generalized dichotomy. The personality dimensions I discuss in face reading are more accurate. You shoudn’t be using r/K as a personal moral yardstick.
However you are correct that you do have a dual nature, being a TM. I think this is what you’re getting at.
You have shallow sockets, a large Thal back lobe, somewhat narrow set eyes, and fairly large eyes. Eye spacing is a bit Cro Magnon, yes, but you clearly have enough Thal to warrant admission to the Neanderhall. Nor are you the first with that feature.
I suspect most of your difficulty is coming from the large back lobe and eye size.
Being a TM, you’re in a weird place, and I confess I’m not sure I have the answers for your genetic type.
Koanic Soul was designed to allow me to fulfill my melon ambitions by overcoming the limitations of my Thal emotional processing style. You have mostly the opposite problem, I think – a Thal spirit with a melon/cro mag emotional processing style. It’s an interesting problem.
You’ve got this whole r/K thing backwards. Beta strategy is actually K selected. Neanderthals were very beta. Alpha is an r-selected strategy where the focus is on individual social competition rather than small group selfless status-less living.
You’re living in an r environment, so playing by K rules will get you screwed. You need to find a compromise point between your environment and your nature. Be careful about the self-condemnatory crap. Having a conscience is important, but condemning yourself for incorrect reasons is a major impediment to progress. Take a pragmatic view and continue to experiment with koans, since that is working.
Objectivism is crap intellectually and dangerous emotionally. It can make you into a robot. Likewise, Churchianity can make you into a wimp. And Biblical obscurantist dogmaticism can make you into a disconnected weirdo. Try to avoid all three. TM’s need to select their dogmas with extreme care, since a sufficiently unpopular selection will render their Melon powers impotent.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a successful strategy for your genetic nature.