Another great post from Rollo Tomassi. Damn, this guy is good. An excerpt:
“It’s a difficult enough task for an individual to critically assess their own personality, and even more so to effect a change in it, but the final insult is to have other’s doubt the veracity of it. What others fail to see is that at some point in the development of their own personalities, they themselves had to compensate for deficiencies, discontentments and prompts to grow and mature. This is a gigantic hurdle for most AFCs wanting to transition to being something more. On SoSuave we’ve always called that being a DJ (Don Juan), but that doesn’t encompass the entirety of maturing. I like the term positive masculinity, but the crux of all that is the ingenuousness of the actual change. Why are you changing?
There is a saying that AFCs are like a bunch of crabs in a barrel. As soon as one is about to climb out there are always half a dozen ready to pull him back in again. Add to this a self-doubt from societal conditionings that tell him to stay the same, not to aspire to more, he’s doing it right, and it’s amazing that any AFC becomes a DJ. This has been termed the ‘Societal Cockblock’; they tell him he’s compensating, and in a way they’re right, but for the wrong reason. PUA skills, DJ psychology, Positive Masculinity are all compensations for deficiencies. They go beyond behavior modification – that’s the easy answer. PUAs teach a set of behaviors and scripts to be aped in order to mask a deficit. These are easy pickings for the JBY apologists because they are actions that generally don’t match a person’s prior personality. They’re not “really” like that, so they’re posers, or worse, they’ve been duped by guys hawking the PUA brand of self-help tools. What they don’t see is the genuine desire to change and the reasons for it.”
So true. Read the whole thing. (JBY stands for Just Be Yourself.)
Ok, now I want to talk a little bit about Koanic Soul and how it’s different from other programs of self change.
Rollo’s done a good job of describing the shortcomings of exclusively relying on PUA external technical Game, AKA Outer Game. The alternative to Outer Game is Inner Game.
Unfortunately, solid Inner Game is more easily described than achieved. The internal psychological world is such a slippery thing, and that becomes 10x more true when you’re in dynamic social situations.
It seems to me that the PUA path to solid Inner Game involves tons of reading and mental reconditioning, and/or tons of time collecting reference experiences and developing calibration.
What’s the problem with tons of reading? Well, it fills your head with way more knowledge than you can effectively distill into rapid action in a social situation. AKA, Analysis Paralysis.
One reason I developed the koans was to alleviate this problem. In my down time, I could carefully craft koans that encapsulated everything I’d learned and come to believe. Then in the field I could simply repeat the koan and create the desired state, without having to remember all the stuff I’d read.
What’s the problem with collecting tons of reference experience? Well, going out every night in a row for 1000 nights takes a heavy physical and financial toll. Practicing the PUA lifestyle, for newbies particularly, can be extremely expensive in time and emotional energy. Furthermore, if you have moral or religious scruples, a string of sexual partners may degrade your soul unacceptably.
I’m not saying the koans are a substitute for life experience. That would be impossible. But they do help cut down the learning curve, in several ways.
If you fit the koan and the koan fits you, and the koan also fits the world, then you have achieved fundamental calibration. The rest will fall into line pretty quickly, since koans permit subconscious learning, which is much faster than rational analysis.
(HOWEVER – if one of those three elements – you, the koan, and the world – DOESN’T fit with the others, then you are well and truly fucked. You will never succeed until you fix the mismatch. You will be fundamentally miscalibrated. Koans are powerful. So be careful, and make sure they fit.)
Koans are based on the idea that you aren’t fundamentally broken. More specifically, they’re based on the idea that your soul, your fundamental emotional makeup, can be transformed in minutes if not seconds.
Now, sometimes you ARE broken. If you have a health problem or are eating a bad diet, then your brain chemistry and energy levels may be fundamentally broken, in which case you need to fix that first. If you have a pervasively false worldview, you need to fix that or else your rational mind will reject the koans.
I’m not trying to say that personality can transform overnight. Personality changes very slowly. Rather, I’m saying that almost every man is capable of core confidence and emotional equilibrium. Put him in an environment where he’s the natural alpha, and his soul swells to fill the role. Boom – a completely different man.
For me, this belief comes from watching Cesar Millan work with dogs. With almost ZERO exceptions, he was able to return every dog to a point of sane equilibrium, on a show that ran for many seasons. Incredible. Essentially, mammalian emotional circuitry is almost never intrinsically broken. Instead, it becomes damaged by bad biological inputs or unhealthy socialization, and must be rehabilitated.
Please understand I’m not talking about the intrinsic moral goodness of Man. I’m only saying that his emotional circuitry, given proper biological and social inputs, can almost invariably function properly.
Of course, the problem with humans is that they have a rational mind and ego that resists the program of change. That’s why I have such low expectations for this blog’s success.